The Love Seat

October 10, 2012 13 Comments

 

Here is a lady reclining against a love seat and looking sad. She didn’t make the 2013 calendar but today she made the blog.

Let me tell you a story about how love seats infuriate me...

New York is not an easy place to live, I mean, yes they warned me about all sorts of new york specific things from cockroach infestations to $28 cocktails but no one told me that living here also meant sacrificing the right to comfortably recline in the comfort of my home.

I have the smallest couch ever and it is all because of NYC’s extreme rent prices driving me to live in a miniature house for elves that does not allow the ownership of adult human sized furniture.

So... about my couch.

For starters, it's not a couch. It's a love seat and it IS. NOT. LOVING. It arrived from Ikea in a box, and has been contaminating my happiness for going on 14 months.

You see, my elvin apartment building has a 24” wide entry hall. So the only way to bring a couch in was to find one that could arrive in a box. And turns out, couches don’t come in boxes. BUT... Ikea love seats do.

Sitting on this thing is a real tight rope act. You literally cannot relax on this couch. In fact, if anything, it subliminally infuses you with more stress just by being near it. It is not unlike sitting in an airline seat every night when you get home to watch TV. Not natural.

The smallness is not immediately apparent, but as soon as you attempt to settle in you realize you are perilously teetering on the edge of falling off and that there is nothing to settle into.... And then another person comes and tries to sit on it with you. Thats when things really go from bad to worse.

I don’t care how much you love that other person, this couch will make you begin to question their need to sit down.* The love seat has worked it’s evil. The fellow sitter is everywhere you want to be.

  • Sometimes it’s fun. Fun in that way a situation becomes fun when it has hit rock bottom and you just have to laugh to keep from crying. In the fleeting moments of thinking our loveseat woes were quirky and endearing I considered starting a blog documenting the various shapes we’ve created while trying to share the loveseat. Some of them are borderline circ du soleil in their intricacy.

And not only is it pointedly uncomfortable to sit on but it has become a source of crippling embarrassment.

Whenever someone says "wow, you must love living in New York, it's so exciting" I smile and say thank you. What I'm thinking is "my couch came out of a box and it’s trying to kill me" and then I start thinking “do they know? they must know. That’s why they said that!! So superior. i bet they have 3 COUCHES”

Anyway... my point is...  if you hadn’t guessed:

Love seats are impractical, couches are for winners.

Keep commissioning me and buying my stuff so that someday I can move into a house with a couch, NOT a love seat. (you can start by buying a print of this sketch!)

Posted in couch, love seat, The Sketch Book


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13 Responses
Joyce
Joyce

July 25, 2014

Inslee, hatred of loveseats aside-and believe me, I’m with you- what a beautiful sketch! I hope she’ll be available for purchase.

Jewell
Jewell

July 25, 2014

The morning laugh I needed! And of course…. I love the sketch:)

Patti Rogers
Patti Rogers

July 25, 2014

Artist / Writer / Comic – Hysterical blog.

Blair
Blair

July 25, 2014

love this story and the sketch… I hope she will be available for purchase as well! It really is beautiful and I love it even more now that we hear the love seat journey to go alone with it!

Jemima Puddle-Duck
Jemima Puddle-Duck

July 25, 2014

beats the story you wrote up about you-know-who riding after your kindergarten school bus on her bike to beat you there in order to greet you on your first day!

Jennifer Hall
Jennifer Hall

July 25, 2014

Inslee, This is so cute, you must send it into the New Yorker magazine and get it published. Then you will immediately be the famous Artiste that you were always meant to be.

Caroline
Caroline

July 25, 2014

SO so funny. Love the blog, (obv) and dream of commissioning one of your pieces one day! But this seals the deal – when I can afford it, your loveseat will be the first to know.

Kayla
Kayla

July 25, 2014

Will this be available for purchase? It is lovely!

Inslee
Inslee

July 25, 2014

i too live in a pre-war fourth floor walk up. and by pre-war i mean the trojan war.

Joanna Baker
Joanna Baker

July 25, 2014

Oh, Inslee! We have all too much in common… it took me 3 months to get over the fact that I could not possibly fit the beloved “Henry” couch from West Elm through our apartment door… much less get it down the hallway. We live in a pre-war fourth floor walk up and no matter how many ways I measured, there was just no way that couch would fit. You crack me up because at this very moment I am sitting on my own Ikea love seat… which arrived in a box because it is the only thing we could fit through the door. Here’s to the someday future when we can each have our own real life, full length sofas! Gorgeous sketching as always =)
~Joanna <3

Karin
Karin

July 25, 2014

Hmm, it might be time for a comfy chair? All to yourself? That is so sad!

Gorgeous sketch :)

making the bed | The Sketch Book &#8211; Inslee Haynes
making the bed | The Sketch Book &#8211; Inslee Haynes

July 25, 2014

[…] despite these shortcomings, the bed used to be the place I retreated to after my hatred of the love seat became unbearable. But now even the bed is becoming a source of […]

Kayla
Kayla

July 25, 2014

SO GLAD you made this available for purchase. I just ordered mine… Can’t wait to display this gorgeous sketch!

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