Why is this man sleeping partially on a chair, partially on a Threshold for Target tufted bench?...
You know those people? The ones you see once a year or once every six months, by chance, passing on the street? Their hair is uncombed, their eyes unfocused, perhaps a tendon in their neck or two is straining a bit unnaturally...
You hug and exclaim over how nice it is to run into them and then the conventional progression of all conversation in the western world leads you to the inevitable first question, the question that jumpstarts all social interchanges. The question you really aren’t expecting to listen to the answer to. The classic opener...
“How are you?”
...and the person grimaces slightly, closes their eyes for a moment and says
“ohh........ hanging in there, I have developed an allergy to sunlight. Caleb just had a double knee transplant - we had to fly the knees in from Switzerland - yes personally, I flew the plane. We had engine trouble passing over the Atlantic but after calling in support of the Air National Guard, we made it safely to land. But yes, we’re really doing ok. little Katie just found out she’s going to be preforming in the Olympic Opening Ceremonies for Winter Games 2018 but we aren't’ sure if she’ll be able to preform as she's developed early-onset childhood temporary blindness which is induced primarily by extreme stage fright... what else... pop pop died yesterday. and poor sweet mittens, his cat - yes of course you remember mittens! - was so beside herself she died too, actually at the same moment. it was beautiful. these are actually their combined ashes here! yes! the crematorium agreed to combine species for the incineration - it required bending a lot of rules. yes they’re together! here, would you like to see?”
and you think to yourself,
“this can’t be real.”
How can any one person survive this avalanche of fate and karma and chaos. Wasn’t it just a year ago that i ran into her in Costco and she told me she’d survived drowning while scuba diving in Bali and was resuscitated by a nun after being dead for nearly forty minutes only to return stateside and find her entire house had been robbed clean by gypsies?
WELL... my friends. I promised I was back, wearing my illustrators hat. And I am indeed. I am also wearing my story telling hat.
I invite you to sit back, relax and join me as I tell you an illustrated story about how I became one of these impossible people, these people with fantastical, distressing and completely unbelievable stories to tell.
I will fill it with expensive adjectives and self-deprecating humor and together we will have a long hot summer of literary and illustrative fun!
so for now, pique your interest, pack your weekend bag and head to the Hamptons to wonder what my next blog post will hold.
your impossible friend